A sad..., sad message
No…, not by choice. An early morning lightening storm over a week ago Wednesday (8/10/22) caused a loss of CenturyLink phone and internet service here on The Ranch. I am still not sure how big an area was effected…, with no phone or internet access we couldn’t determine if it was just our place or if there was a bigger problem. On a trip to town for mail and groceries I asked a convenience store clerk, grocery store clerk, post office clerk, public utility district clerk, and hardware store clerk if they knew anything about the CenturyLink outage…, to no avail. That evening Julie had her daughter use her cell phone to call the CenturyLink toll free number and we found out via automated response, that there was “an outage in our area” and it was estimated that it would be repaired by the following morning.
No big problem…, we thought. But by Friday afternoon we still had no phone or internet access. I generaIly spend a few hours on the internet every morning with my coffee…, checking the weather forecast, stock market, oil price, Google News, email, several blogs that I follow…, and of course…, Facebook. I really did not want to miss my Friday Nite Video song posting on Facebook. I do it regularly because I don’t post much or share much during the week. So…, I went to town to the local library and asked to use a computer. I showed them my 20+ year old card…, that I was actually surprised that I still had in my old wallet. On the CenturyLink website I was only able to get the “canned” response of…, “sorry, there is an outage in your area” and the estimated repair date was…, you guessed it…, “tomorrow morning”. I wanted to communicate with someone in person so I could find out how large an outage and just what the problem was. Yeah…, right.
I really didn’t expect the problem to be resolved over the weekend…, but nothing Monday…, or Tuesday. I began to wonder if maybe the big problem was now solved…, and maybe we had a personal issue. One lightening strike was particularly close and lit the place right up. I was afraid that it had fried my computers…, but the power surge just shut them down. It did knock out the phone and internet service though. I was missing the internet…, but my biggest worry was the phone. A month or so ago Julie’s doctor called a couple days after an appointment and said the the lab report on her blood work had come back…, and she should get down to the hospital emergency room right away. It proved to be unnecessary…, but something like that or a family emergency could occur. So we went to town to our friends house and Julie’s friend said that she had called five or six times and left messages and was beginning to worry when Julie had not returned any of the calls. I got on their computer and got the “canned” response again…, “sorry, there is an outage in your area” and the estimated repair date was…, you guessed it…, “tomorrow morning”. There was a link for…, “if you are not satisfied with our response, you can complain further”. Of course I hit the link and got a little testy with the verbiage I used. I got a little automated “canned” response that I didn’t care for…, so I submitted another even more testy “complaint”.
Luckily…, I have an email account through another service provider that I can check remotely from another computer…, so I did that. Sure enough I already had a response ”signed off” by some titled person…, the exact same form letter for both complaints. Yeah…, more automated “canned” responses. And an email from the veterinarian who had come out to The Ranch to geld our little stud horse, Charlie. I had told her in a previous email when we were scheduling Charlie’s procedure that we also had an old mare that could probably use a teeth floating. She had spaced that out…, but went ahead when I told her that I had indeed mentioned it previously. But she said in the email that she needed a little more information about the old mare before she could submit the invoice. She had sent the email on Wednesday…, the day of our outage. I suppose she was thinking that I was stalling for nearly a week. I was able to respond to her email and explain what had happened. I hope she understands.
So…, I figured we better get some kind of communication device before there were even worse matters missed. I had a cell phone briefly 25 years ago when I was just “on call” for the new job. After I got hired on permanently I forgot about the cell phone and dropped the coverage. I went to the city…, sixty miles away and got a cheap cell phone and cheap plan. I don’t know what a $1000 I-Phone can do that the $40 one I got can’t do? It appears I can do anything I want…, once I figure out how to use it. It even gives short massages when I activate some features…, I just haven’t dialed in just which features they are so I can get a deep healing massage. But before I got those massages…, I find out that when you buy a cell phone because you have no phone service…, you need a phone to activate the damn cell phone you bought because you don’t have a phone. I guess I should have taken a class in logic or something. Anyway…, after many frustrating hours…, it is off to town to seek our friends help once again. We tried the phone number with no luck…, but we managed get on-line and things were moving along well…, until…, it asked us to put in the pin number on the plan card I bought. I had somehow left it at The Ranch…, 10 miles back home and 10 miles back to town we finally got it activated !!! I decided to check the CenturyLink site again on the friends computer…, and it now said…, “there are no outages in your area.” Go figure.
End of story right…, yeah…, in my dreams. I get back to The Ranch…, and no phone or internet service. It was getting late and I was more interested in consuming more than my daily quota of beer than trying to diagnose the problem that evening. Julie made a few calls on the new cell phone to let some friends and family know that we weren’t snubbing them and we hadn’t been snapped up by aliens or government goons.
The next morning I thought maybe the phones got fried…, so I dug through the fire rubble in an old closet and found an old phone and plugged it into the company phone box…, and I got what I interpreted as a “busy” signal. But when I punched a button it stopped and let me call our number and leave a message. But when I plugged the old phone into the splitter device that has a DSL port and a Phone port…, there was no service. I found out that when I plugged our regular phone directly into the box port it worked too. I tried plugging the internet line directly into the box port and it would not work. So…, I figured that the splitter thing must be bad. I leave our regular phone plugged into the box port and head to town…, after Julie informed me that the beep-beep-beep was not a busy signal…, just a signal that we had phone messages. And yeah…, there was a phone message from the veterinarian from last week too…, requesting more information so she could complete the billing process. Neither hardware store had a splitter that I needed…, but one clerk said…, with a laugh…, I could get one for free from CenturyLink Customer Service. I found out what the laugh was all about when I got back to The Ranch.
I am sure that I don’t have to describe to you the “phone tree” bullshit these days. When I finally got through to a “technician” after about a half an hour…, it took a lot of explaining, but I finally convinced her that I needed to replace the splitter thing first…, because it was no doubt stopping the phone from connecting and mighty likely stopping the internet connection. She kept wanting to try to diagnose the internet problem and said Customer Service would have to supply the splitter and she could not contact a service repairman in the area to stop by with one. She said she would transfer me to CS. The transfer didn’t work, so I had to call and go through the phone tree…, and wait for a “representative” to come on while I listened to the automated spiel about going on-line to quickly solve my issues. When I got a person on the phone he said I needed to contact the tech/repair branch. I told him that I had just talked to them and they said the CS had to provide me with the splitter. He asked me to hold for a minute while he checked that out. About a half hour later the operator came on with a “if you would like to make a call…, hang up and try again” message. I called again…, phone tree…, wait for “representative”…, “your call is important to us”…, “you can go to the website to solve your issues”. I finally got another real person…, explained my problem again and he said I needed to contact tech support…, I told him I had already talked to them…, he said he would put me on hold and check it out. I didn’t wait for the operator to come on this time…, after 10 or 15 minutes I hung up…, and dialed back in. Actually I went and got the cell phone and was connecting with Amazon during the “wait time”. I don’t see how people can use those damn cell phones…, when I finally logged in and searched, I found the splitter on the second search…, for $7.99. I hit shopping cart…, and wanted to pick the fastest shipping speed…, regardless of the cost…, but the font was so small…, I had to just guess which one to pick. Anyway…, same story waiting for a human on the real phone…, but this guy listened to my story and said he would check it out…, and get back to me. I thought…, yeah right. But he did come back on and said I was right…, they would send one right out for free !!! So I got one splitter coming USPS and one coming UPS. I hope !!!
I sit here typing this on Friday morning (8/19/22). Doesn’t look like I will be posting a Friday Nite Video song on Facebook tonight…, or wishing Julie a Happy Anniversary tomorrow…, and I doubt I will be able wish my dear old Dad a heavenly happy birthday on 8/23 either. But I will get this piece up on The Quillayute Cowboy Blog…, when we know…, as Paul Harvey used to say…, “The Rest of the Story”.
I am a bit concerned about this Cold Turkey internet quitting. The DT’s haven’t been too bad…, yet. It has aged me considerably though…, as you can see from the before and after pictures below. But I have been to Alcohol School…, and learned that when a real addict relapses…, he doesn’t got back to where he left off…, no matter how many months or years…, he goes back to where he would be if he had continued to drink all that time. That is why so many folks end up dead when they fall off the wagon. Well…, it has only been a week off the screen for me…, so far anyway…, so the relapse shouldn’t be too severe…, I hope.
Before the internet outage
After the internet outage
The Rest of the Story
Friday Afternoon 8/19/22 : Well…, that didn’t take long. I thought I was seeing a mirage…, the UPS truck pulling up to the gate at the end of the driveway…, but the dogs convinced me that it was real…, so I gave a holler to him that I would come down and pick up the delivery. I began to immediately think about taking back some of the bad things I had been thinking…, and saying…, about CenturyLink. They had sent me…, the package…, that I assumed would be the “splitter” as I described it. Yeah I was thinking…, they are the greatest phone company of all time…, sending the “splitter” via overnight UPS Express !!! Then I opened the package. Need I tell you…, it weren’t no “splitter”. It was a “Single Port Inline DSL Filter - PT-DSL-ILF”…, single being the operative word…, hard to split a single…, I needed…, and asked for a PT-DSL-ILF-“T”. Was it an honest “failure to communicate”…, or was it a…, “This asshole has been hounding and harassing us for days now…, let’s f-with him some more”?
The faulty one I had on the right…, the replacement they sent on the left.
I thought that whatever the intention…, the one port filter would let me connect to the internet…, and Julie could survive a few hours without a phone while I ignored porn on the internet. But the new filter…, filtered out any connection at all…, I guess. When I clicked in directly…, my modem/router would blink the DSL light…, like was at least trying to connect. If I “filtered” it with the new one…, I got no blinking lights? Go figure.
Yeah…, you know the drill…, phone tree…, “request representative”…, for crying out loud. Luckily…, it only took one beer…, or was it two, errr…, ? Before I got to talk to a lady who promised to send out a technician…, next Tuesday…, and took $50 bucks off my bill…, she said.
So…, here I am Friday Nite, and you without a Video song…, I thought it was going to be “Stairway to Heaven” when the UPS driver handed me the package…, but I have suffered bigger disappointments in my day…, I just can’t remember…, exactly…, when. Things like that happen when we age…, I guess. I sincerely apologize for CenturyLink letting you down…, beyond my control…, I guess. Oh well…, I won’t have to use one hand to handle the mouse…, I can double fist the beers tonight !!!
The Rest…, of the Rest of the Story
Sunday Morning 8/21/22 : I had hoped The Little Green Guys would be gone…, but they are still here. Yeah…, they showed up late Friday night…, I thought it was just a bad dream…, but when I came to Saturday morning I had to face reality. They let me get coffee, then insisted that I try to connect to the internet. I told them that I had tried every combination of hook up available to me…, but they firmly insisted that I try again. I went through the direct hook ups and the two filter hook ups and unplugged and reset the modem/router with no luck and explained that we would just have to wait for the repair man to arrive on Tuesday. OH MY GOSH !!! All hell broke loose…, The Little Green Guys were climbing the walls and threatening me with physical violence and torture that would make waterboarding look like French tickler treatment. I tried to explain that I had chores that needed done…, but they would have none of it. They made it clear that getting back on the internet was more important than ANYTHING else and I would be dedicating my efforts full time to that. So I sit here typing this…, telling them that I am trying different codes…, then running out to try the different combinations of hook ups again…, and again. I would start on the beer this morning…, but The Little Green Guys have drank it all up here in The Library…, and I haven’t been able to slip out to The Saddle Bar to replenish the supply. I hope I can survive long enough to get this posted to The Blog…, if I ever get the internet back.
Monday afternoon 8/22/22 : Julie had a prescription at the pharmacy in town to pick up…, so I of course checked the mail. YEAH…, a package from Amazon !!! I had to rein in the little Tacoma on the way home…, to keep from obliterating the speed limits. The splitter worked perfectly…, for the phone portion…, but still no internet connection. At least the DSL light was blinking on the router/modem thingy. So me and The Little Green Guys are all climbing the walls…, waiting for the repair man to show up tomorrow…, sometime between 8am and 5pm.
Tuesday morning 6am : The Little Green Guys have me up and on the computer trying the same things again…, and again. And asking every 10 minutes…, What time is it? When is he coming? Can’t you call him? WHERE IS HE???”
11:15am…, he finally calls and says he is about five minutes away…, and shows up about 10 minutes later. He tests out the connection and finds that the Chinese Amazon “splitter” is not letting through as good a connection as it should…, a new one is letting through the proper connection…, but the modem is still not processing it. He says my old modem is bad and he can replace it with an up to date model for no charge…, and we are back on line after he dials it in. I make sure I can connect to Pandora on my Grace radio via the CenturyLink WiFi and that my C. Crane radio can connect with my Belkin WiFi router…, and let him proceed on his merry way with many thanks.
Wednesday morning 6am : There was quite a celebration yesterday afternoon and evening…, after I got to The Saddle Bar and replenished the beer supply for me and The Boys…, but this morning it feels more like I drank all the beer myself last night instead of sharing it with The Little Green Guys…, who have mysteriously disappeared.
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