We’ve seen and survived some pretty nasty bubbles in the past. The Tulip Bubble, The South Sea Company Bubble, The Florida Real Estate Bubble, The 1929 Stock Market Bubble, The Japanese Asset Price Bubble, The Dot- Com Bubble, The Housing Bubble(s), The Subprime Bubble, The Debt Bubble, The Financial Bubble…, and no one saw this one coming either. But we may have a chance to turn it around before this Bubble Bursts. And by “us”…, I mean the working man or woman, common folks, debt serfs…, beer drinkers. I doubt that we will have much help from the plutocrats and oligarchs or the politicians or CEO’s or other scum of the earth. They aren’t beer drinkers and wouldn’t stoop to buying a beer for a working man…, if they ever got close enough to one to do so.
Say what? I am speaking of The Beer Bubble. Haven’t heard of it? I told you already that no one saw it coming…, but here it is…, World Domination - the Chinese Now Drink More Beer Than Anyone . And the Double Bubble I referred to? Here it is…, Corprate Overlords Will Soon Own 1 Out of Every 3 Beers Made On Earth.
Yeah…, we know what too much money in too few hands can produce…, but that pales in comparison to what too much beer in too few hands looks like. I have seen it first hand and a little too close up and personal a time or two…, on a small scale anyway. I can guarantee you that you don’t want to even view the pictures of what a mess a Bursting Beer Bubble would produce on a planetary scale. The corporate conglomerates have consolidated and monopolized everything from media to airlines to banks…, it shouldn’t surprise us that they are coming for our beer now. They want to make sure that they are too big to fail. Some foreign outfit has captured Budweiser…, that iconic red, white and blue can will now be emblazoned with “America” on it…, until after the elections I hear. That’s just in the US…, I don’t think it would go over so well in other than a very few nations left on Earth that have any respect…, let alone love…, for America these days. I am not sure just how to battle a behemoth like that…, the thought of a beer boycott leaves me with cotton mouth…, and the shakes.
But regarding that first Bubble Trouble mentioned…, we can make damn sure those Chinese don’t out drink us! I mean the gall…, what do they think…, that they built our railroads or something? This calls for action of the two fisted kind…, yeah…, a beer in each hand. Whatever it takes. We all know how those aforementioned Bubbles played out…, and we can’t allow something like that to happen to such a vital and essential area of our economy and mainstay of our very existence. We can’t let this Brew Bubble Burst…, we have to keep pouring it on to keep that from happening. What the hell…, if we double down on our beer consumption we might be able to wipe out the deficit in the bargain. I mean…, the sin taxes alone on beer are enormous. Think of the revenue the government will reap. And look how much more malt, grain, barley, hops, yeast, water, aluminum and glass will need to be produced…, not to mention the brewers, truck drivers, stock and checkout clerks, bartenders and waitresses.., we are talking a major jobs program here folks…, and it won’t cost the government any money and the Republicans won’t be able to block it…, because there will be no vote. Do you suppose the Repugs will suggest cutting the beer tax? Dream on. Tax cuts for billionaires are a religious necessity for them…, but a tax cut for the working man or woman beer drinker…, forgetaboutit. This could be the stimulus, the jump-start, the turnaround…, that the economy has been searching in vain for since 2009.
When the Great Recession burst on the scene along with Housing Bubble and the stock market crashed…, everything but beer bottles were thrown at the problem. $700 million in TARP funds…, to the Banksteers that caused the problem…, and an $800 million dollar stimulus package that pretty much ended up in those same Banksteer pockets. The idea was that the Banksteers would lend out that money for investment in productive industry and create jobs and an economic recovery. Trouble was that no one wanted to borrow any money…, at least not the working man or woman who were already well over their eyeballs in debt…, because inflation adjusted incomes were still stuck in the 70’s. And with no consumer spending to speak of…, the giant corporations had no incentive to invest in increased production of any consumer products. Though the CEO’s and stockholders were happy to borrow that low interest money and buy back their own shares…, which lined their pockets…, and little else. Then there was Quantitative Easing…, I…, II…, and III. Some say that all these efforts produced another stock market bubble that’s bound to burst…., but it hasn’t…, yet.
There is another option of course…, the lesson from the Euro Zone and the IMF…, austerity. Not just no…, HELL NO !!! There is no way that any self-respecting beer drinker would set foot on that Greecey slope. That would result in nothing but a not so slow slide to the bottom of the barrel…, and there to remain.
So…, there is a lesson here for us beer drinkers…, we can learn from history. We need to Bailout the Banksteers if we are going to save our Beer Bubble. They got all that low (nearly no) interest rate money to lead out to us at 29% on our credit cards. Hell…, they may be getting some of those negative interest rate loans soon…, and can therefore jack up the interest rates they charge us on our cards. Speaking of those negative interest rates that are all the rage in Europe and Japan…, I asked our local banksteer for a negative interest rate loan to buy yet another Toyota…, she didn’t think it was as funny as I hope you do. Anyway…, we have to buy up as much beer as possible…, on credit of course…, and drink it up. We can’t just throw a tarp over it and save it for the hotter days coming our way soon. No…, that would just delay the Bursting of the Beer Bubble until a later date…, pulling demand forward is the technical term…, and it only works for a short while. We have to keep turning that beer and the money printing machine over and over in a sustainable manner if we want to keep the flow going. It’s tough duty…, I know. But someone has to do it.
Obama will probably back us up. He already earned a Nobel Peace Prize for averting a major conflagration between a couple of beer drinkers…, by sitting down and downing a couple beers with the parties in question. Well…, at least that is the only thing I can think of that he did to deserve the Nobel medal…, and money. He hasn’t stopped any wars since he took office and he continues to bomb and drone and kill in some seven countries…, that we know of.
If it doesn’t happen on Obama’s watch…, I doubt that President Trump will be any help. He will of course, want to “Make America Great Again”…, and probably suggest building a wall across the Pacific Ocean…, using the Great Wall of China for material…, hire Chinese laborers to build it for pennies an hour…, then bring those jobs back home when they are done. But that is all just talk…, The Donald probably never drank a beer…, nothing but Dom Pérignon Champaign at $200 a bottle for him. He may pander to us beer drinkers and try to impress us with his tough talk (it seems to work with a significant number of us)…, but I don’t believe that he is even close to being a real working man (or woman?)…, or near as tough as he thinks he is. That’s all just talk too. He’s the kind of guy that I would like to punch in the nose when he talks like that.
President Hillary will go on the attack immediately…, bombs on the beaches and bayonets up the butt (hee hee hee she says) are her style of doing business. And while we are busy and bloody and distracted in the Asian pivot…, she will be handing over the Social Security Trust Fund to Goldman Sachs. You don’t really think that they invited her back twice at $200,000 a pop to hear her tell them how she would clamp down on their blood funnel tactics, insider trading, high frequency trading, shoddy securitization, interest rate rigging, etc…, yeah…, over $100 billion in fines paid already to keep from being prosecuted and Hillary tells them, “You ain’t seen nothing yet…, just wait till I take office.” Please come back and tell us again…, and again Hillary? No wonder she won’t release the transcripts. We have a lot more to worry about than a Bursting Beer Bubble if that Queen is Crowned.
Bernie seems like a beer guy to me. That’s not why I supported him…, I like his policies. It’s looking now like my campaign donations may have been more wisely spent on beer…, but it ain’t over until the Fat Queen Sings. I am sure that Bernie would not like the idea of the Chinese taking our beer drinking jobs. We need to keep our beer here in America…, and drink it ourselves. Now, I don’t mind so much if the Chinese take our dirty, polluting, and all round nasty jobs…, we don’t really need polluted rivers on fire or acid rain or brown outs or brown lung…, the Chinese are choking and dying on those jobs over there now…, but taking our good clean beer drinking jobs…, even if they don’t pay all that well…, is a red line in the sand that shall not be crossed. I believe that Bernie would help build a bridge and lead us through this Beer Bubble to that banquet on the other side. And I am sure it would be a lot better bridge than the one that the last Clinton to run for President promised to help us build to the 21st Century…, and failed to deliver on.
But that new President taking office is still over seven months away…, and we dare not wait that long. So…, beer drinkers unite and rally in the streets…, roll up your sleeves, get thirsty…, it’s time to boot up and get those Tony Lama’s out on the ground (not behind the wheel now)…, and help keep this Brewing Bubble from Bursting.
Double Cheers Squared
Postscript - Here's that bridge to the 21st Century that we had to build ourselves...